Even if it wasn't sex, I didn't want to hold hands with them, or even sitting next to one on the train would be enough to make me nervous. These days continued for quite a long time...
I didn't even want to talk to them back then...and I even hit men who approached me with other objectives in mind before they got a chance to do anything (laughter).
But even in that state I said okay to a guy who asked me if I wanted to go out with him. I thought that was strange myself. It's just that I felt elated that someone liked me and I just wanted to return those feelings to him.
It was just that...I realized that I still couldn't have sex with him even though we were going out! He kept asking me "Isn't it about time?" again and again but we broke up without ever having sex together.

I was really worried about that back then. I mean, even if I like someone and he wants me, I couldn't do anything for him! I wondered "Why was god being so mean to me?" and truly hated my fate. But one day it suddenly came to me! That "Nothing's going to get solved by just worrying over it." So I decided to enter the AV world in order to lose my fear of men. So after being sexually harrased...without ever having sex again afterwards, I appeared in an AV. That was my debut work "Shojo Ya" (Virgin Shrine) (1995).

I had prepared myself for what was going to happen back then but when the shooting started I suddenly got scared...I got reminded of what happened to me back then and I started to cry.

I made the shoot get delayed another five hours before we began again...

When we do AVs the staff all act very nice to me and they try to make sure that I feel comfortable, like "Maiko-chan, just tell us when you don't want to do something, okay?" But it's not always like that when I'm on magazines and TV programs. When that happened I was at first like "Why don't they care about me? Why!!"

A normal person would keep quiet about such things but since I was suddenly thrust into this type of thing I just said it straight forwardly where everyone could easily hear me. No one ever told me how I was supposed to behave in the business world...although the agency that managed me treated me well, doted on me infact, they didn't tell me what was important as another professional in this business...so bad rumors about me started to get spread around.

Rumors like that really get to you when you're wrong, don't they? And since you don't know who was the one that was spreading those rumors you lose concentration from doing work. So a friend of mine actually went out and found out who it was that spread those rumors. And it was...the person who spread the rumors about me was the staff that I had trusted the most!

So I reverted back to not being able to trust people again. I kept it to myself again just like last time. I didn't think of the negative repercussions of doing that back then.

I was thinking along the lines of "How should I quit this line of work?" or "I want to quit and go back being a regular girl!". I'd sometimes think "How did it all end up like this?" or "I'm such an idiot" and pretty much answered all the questions I had myself.

There was also the fact that my boyfriend at the time said "You're nothing but a damned AV star!" when we fought...

So I'd call up one of my old friends to loosen up but they'd only be telling me how immoral I was for doing AVs, that I was a 'whore' or a 'slut'...

So I became unsure about what I was supposed to do and so I decided to return to being a normal girl for the time being.

"I turned into a well-mannered lady after I'd gotten my pro mentality."

The main reason I came back was because I'd gotten requests to do photobooks and movies from Hong Kong. So we held a 'press conference' there which was actually just an excuse to hold an autograph signing. And when we went, there were more than 8000 people that attended!

I was really surprised. I mean, we didn't even have the time to take a 5 minute break to get a cup of coffee. They'd be reporters from newspapers and magazines that came up to me one after the other and the fans were very enthusiastic as well!

That was probably the first time I thought that "A lot of things may have happened, but I'm glad that I did AVs". Like my purpose in life, maybe? That was the first time I felt anything like that.

I still can't believe it now, but I had six body guards back when I was in Hong Kong. I thought to myself "Who the heck am I?" when I first saw that.

When I came back to Japan, everyone on TV and in magazines were all like "Isn't that amazing?". So I wondered to myself "Am I really all that special? Even if I do adult videos?"...

But I was still the same old me inside. So I decided from that time on that I had to change. I decided that I couldn't stay being a stupid and selfish amateur forever so I decided to go to Tokyo after I've turned 21 in order to work full time.

It was more like a part-time job until then. I'd be going through all the emotions but I develeped this 'pro mentality' afterwards and completely turned into a well-mannered lady (laughter).

"Since I abandoned everything else halfway, I'll give AVs my best."

The family had always been fairly famous among the people around time. We did mostly construction work. What's more, both of my parents were former gang members! So whenever kids would tease me back when I was in first and second grade, they'd be like "You idiot! You can't lose a fight! Go out there and do it again!! And don't come back until you win!!" I even remember crying my heart out before I returned home so I could fool them.

But the relationship between my parents was getting steadily worse and they'd be doing nothing but fighting by the time I was in fifth-sixth grade. I couldn't stand my father anymore by the time I was in eighth grade so I ran away from home a few times. I was sleeping in one friend's house after another.

So I guess I was getting more and more into 'misfortune'. I remember getting into 'Teens Road' and other magazines and manga that's geared towards gang members.

A lot of people were afraid of me at school. I fought against other girls pretty often. I also fought a few guys and I don't think I ever lost.

That's because I knew that I'd be the one that'd be teased if I lost. It was as if I couldn't progress onwards unless I won. In the American world, life is good when you're on top, but hard when you're on the bottom. So you can't afford to lose. I was thinking about leaving town if I ever lost.

After I graduated from junior high school, I did go to high school...but I got expelled on the first day for fighting against a teacher! Hahahahah!!

So I went back home and worked at golf clubs and as a companion. I somehow ended up entering an acting school later, which was where I met the president of the management office I work with...

So that's how I started doing AVs...of course my parents were against it. But with high school and everything else in my life pretty much over, I told them "that I'll definately get famous!! I'm going to give it my best so you better watch out for me!"

I think they understood how serious I was because when I had a signing event right after "Shojo Ya" was released, both my parents and my brother had come to cheer me on! When I saw that, tears were coming out of my eyes and I couldn't stop crying...

So I guess a lot of things have happened ever since I became "Maiko Yuki", but I don't regret anything that's happened. I think it was for the best. Otherwise I would've stayed as "Maki Wakai", who can't do anything by herself. But thanks to being "Maiko Yuki" I was able to experience a lot of things I know I never would've in a normal life, and I've learned a lot from it. So when I return to being "Maki Wakai" after work, I always think, "Maiko Yuki's the best!"