That's not to say that I don't like being called the "Queen of Indies". I also feel a bit proud of myself when I finish working on a hardcore film.

For example, when I got whipped in an SM film, the first thing that goes on my mind is "Owww!" but I get this sense of completeness once it's over, so I end up thinking "It did hurt, but it felt good too."

And since I played a "teased character", getting hurt and crying actually boosts sales. Even the director tells me to "give us your crying face again today!" without really thinking hard about it.

It does make me wish that he experienced what I had to go through though (laughs). But still, given how I've starred in numerous videos with that type of content in them, I guess I do have a masochistic streak in me.

I can truthfully say that I don't mind being tied up as long as it doesn't go much further than that, and I get turned on when people talk dirty to me. And since I star in a lot of SM tapes, most of the male actors are middle-aged, so I guess they get tired out too (laughs).

Yeah, I think I really do like older men though, so I guess it works out for me. I think older men find me more attractive than the young ones so maybe that's why I work with so many older men.

I know that most girls would rather be with the cool looking guys, but I feel uncomfortable around them. So if they asked me if I'd rather take some star or a regular guy, I'd take the regular guy in a heartbeat.

Those are the types of men that I work with the most and I'm always disappointed that I don't get the chance to speak to them very often. I always wonder what they do for a living while I'm with them. I think I want to have some sort of party with them one of these days so I can have an excuse to ask them questions (laughs).

I liked to masturbate ever since I was small and I started way back in 5th grade. The reason I started was that I found the porno tapes that my dad hid away and I got turned on while I watched them. That's what started my habit of touching myself while in the shower, hehehe.

Even while in Jr. High School I'd use the middle-aged teachers we had in school as 'material' for masturbation, instead of my classmates like the other girls. I also bought numerous female orientated adult magazines like "Embarrassing Experiences during Summer" and used that as masturbation material. Since that magazine used mostly illustrations for the sex scenes, I soon found myself drawing sex scenes too.

What I drew? School girls getting banged by their teachers, of course. Hahahaha!!

But you see, you get 20,000 yen if an illustration you submit gets used in that magazine, and I got really excited when one of mine got accepted, but my parents saw the envelope that the money came in before I did so they found out that I drew perverted pictures!!

I've gone out with five different men so far and the main thing that was the same about all of them was the fact that had a lolita complex. And of course, those people like it when there's no pubic hair there... so I once shaved it all off, and then we had sex right afterwards and I couldn't believe how fierce he was (laughs).

But one thing that makes me sad as a woman is that when we're having sex, they don't look at my face but rather concentrate on my pussy. There was also a time that I told my boyfriend that it was okay for him to come inside me because it was a 'safe' day, and seeing his come seeping out of my body was a major turn on for me.

I wonder why that is. Maybe I don't have much luck with men. But I don't really mind being perverted when I'm going out with people, in fact I think it's more fun that way.

I have sex outdoors pretty often, but since I do even more extreme things on the videos it's come to be pretty standard for me. So I guess it's actually easy on me if my partner's satisfied by just having sex outside. I sometimes feel like "Wow, you're this turned on?"

So anyway, I guess I like everything about sex, but how turned on I get depends on the exact act I'm doing. I think what really does it for me is when a middle aged person teases me and does mean things to me.

I used to go out with younger men in the past, but I think middle aged men are definitely better when it comes to sex.

There was just one time when I had sex with someone under 25, but we sorta got tired of it half way and just ended up jerking each other off. Since you really have to take a shower and everything before you have sex, it's a pain to do with someone that you don't like.

Despite the way I look, I've ran away from home a number of times. My father was the main reason for that.

My dad's thick headed, does whatever he feels like, and he emanates this perverted aura all around him... sorta like the stereotypical Japanese pervert.

I like older men, but he's completely different from the type of person that I like. The type of men I like is sorta like the 'Social Studies Teacher" type, but my dad's more like the 'Perverted Soldier' type.

He always acts like he's on the top of the world and since he's so perverted he'd actually come into the bathroom while I'm taking a shower to peep in at me, and then says something non-sensical like "Go to bed". But then he has the gall to enforce a curfew and says to me "Teachers are men too you know! You don't know when they'll turn into wolves!"

That was why I started listening to my father less and less after I got into high school and got this desire to run away from home.

And he'd hit me whenever I ignored him... there's been a number of times where I went to school with bruises on my face. I'd just tell my friends that I tripped and fell when they asked about it though.

There were a number of teachers who worried about me once they found this out and treated me as their own child. The teacher who was the most worried about me was of course, a 'gentle middle-aged teacher'. So I reason I started liking middle aged men was partially due to my abusive father.

Although I don't have to worry about that now that I live by myself, there are times when I think about it. There are times when I have this pessimistic view on life because of it. So I think I'll try to be a bit more cheerful from now.